Portfolio

Cover letter:
Sarah
 Dr. D
Block 1
 24 April, 2013
         First off I would like to say it has been a great year with you all. It’s been a long but also short journey. I feel like it was just yesterday when we wrote our literacy narratives or read all those short stories. In the beginning I thought I’d never get here. The fourth quarter seemed so far away, but here we are now. Our research essays are done, we’ve read two books, and gone through countless sets of vocabulary cards and blog posts. We’ve all definitely grown as writers. I know I have.
         For my essay revision I chose to revise my literacy narrative. The reason I chose this particular essay is because I feel like it’s my weakest paper. It’s the first paper we wrote this year with our middle school abilities so that’s probably why it’s the worst. The convention and sentence fluency were two traits that particularly need work with this paper. The difference a year can make is great, because now I’ve improved with the traits that were more challenging to me. I can definitely say that one of the biggest things I will be taking away from this year is convention. My literacy narrative was chock full of comma splices, run ons, and fragments. Today, I now know how to correctly form a sentence without any errors.
         I decided to choose one of my blogs for the writing remix. I chose the one we did during our Nervous Conditions unit, and turn it into a magazine article. It was the assignment about how our surrounding environment greatly affects our behavior. There are a lot of people in this world who do the strangest things in random places, and usually you can find them on the Internet. With that, I thought why not do a parody of a how to act in public and call it “Public Etiquette”. I am going to find as many of these freaks as I can that fit the factors, and then use them as examples in my article. This article shows you 7 easy steps on how to do the complete opposite of proper public behavior.
         In reality people are doing this exactly because of the environment they are in, and the environment is the Internet. For example it wouldn’t be the normal thing to fling 2 jugs of milk up in the air and pretend to fall, but through the Internet people have been coming up with “challenges” that defy the behavioral norm.
         One of my hits was the blog about what we wanted most in life. I had a no post excuse because of the reading lunch, but I wanted to write this one. I enjoyed writing about my desires in life. Another would have to be my research paper. I put the most effort into it, and I am really proud of it. I think it is my best piece of writing so far as a student. Personally I think I have a lot of misses. One that stuck out more than the others is my literacy narrative. That is one of the reasons why I chose to revise it, and out of all the essays I have turned in it got the lowest grade. It is probably so bad because it was the beginning of the year and we were all still fresh out of middle school. My very first blog post is another miss. This miss is worse than my literacy narrative. It was about summer reading, and I did the assignment completely wrong. I only had one paragraph, and summarize the book I read. We were supposed to discuss the book, which I did not do. My blogs have improved through the months of writing them.
         At the beginning of the year I was nowhere near my level of writing now. I’m not a perfect writer though. There is definitely room for improvement, but everyone has room for improvement. Even famous authors have room for improvement. I am sure that I will improve more and more throughout my years in each of the different traits to be a good writer. I especially would like to improve in word choice and organization. These are my weakest traits and I look forward to improving them in the next years by taking future writing challenges head on.


Essay revision:

Sarah 

Dr. D

Block 1

27 September 2012

Three Books on the Shelf

Ever since I can remember I have been connected with this person. She wasn’t just my babysitter or my cousin, she was my role model, my mentor, and I wanted to be just like her. Her name is Kim but everyone in the family calls her Nini. I remember all the things I did with her, everything I learned, and all the new experiences.

I went to my first movie with her; it was at the old Rave movie theater. The smell of freshly popped popcorn filled my nostrils as I pulled opened the heavy wide glass door and stepped foot into the building. Laughter and conversation filled my ears along with loud squeals from little boys playing in the arcade.

“Do you want any popcorn?” Nini asked interrupting my senses.

“No, I’m not hungry.” I didn’t eat very much back then. We walked across the hard shiny tile to a lady; she had on a black polo, which a lot of people seemed to have on. I assumed they all worked there.

“The Sleepover will be on your left in auditorium 3 enjoy your movie” said the tall woman with glasses while quickly ripping our tickets in half. And with that we strolled down the long wide corridor and into Auditorium 3 labeled “The Sleepover 3:15”. I adored the movie and I still get excited when it comes on my TV.  That was my first trip to the movies little did I know that’d I’d be visiting it over and over again every other week in my teenage years.

I think of all the times we’d sit in her room and play cards while listening to music every time a familiar old tune is ringing in my ears. “Hey there Delilah” is a good example, hearing it just brings me back to her playlist.

I remember her teaching me the squeeze and puncture method. I was having trouble opening my Capri sun one day. She said “it’s a lot easier if you squeeze the bag first and then stick your straw in it.” She forgot to mention to hold my thumb over the straw. The sweet fruit juice shot up through the straw into the air and back down all over us! It made a mess and I was sticky for the rest of the day but memories were made. And I must say that I am now a master at the squeeze and puncture method.

She got a beautiful new bookshelf made of mahogany wood put into her room one day. I was prodding around peering at all her books. They were all of course above my reading level at the time. Maybe that’s why I found them so fascinating! I remember thinking that it must’ve taken her forever to read all those thick books, and then I stumbled upon three familiar looking books. I’ve seen them before in my library, but seeing them in a different setting caught my attention.

 “What are these books about?” I asked.

 “Oh you’ll love those! I read them when I was younger and I loved them. You can borrow them if you want.” Of course being the little naïve girl that I was I agreed to read the books just because she did. And that’s what made me start reading The Series of Unfortunate Events by Lemony Snicket.

It took approximately two years for me to complete the entire series of thirteen books which I noticed gradually get longer and longer as you go on. The series is about these three orphans whose names are Viola, Claus, and Sunny. Viola is the oldest sister, Claus is the middle brother, and Sunny is the infant sister. They go live with Count Olaf, one of their parent’s friends whom they’ve never heard of. They soon realize that Olaf is trying to kill them so that he can inherit their parent’s fortune. They eventually escape from Olaf, or so they think. After moving to the next foster parent Olaf shows up in a disguise that only the children can see through. This happens every time they go to a new foster parent who all mysteriously just disappears. But the children know what really happens to them, it was all in the hands of Olaf and his minions.

This series being the first full series I ever finished meant a lot to me. To be honest I think these books are the best I’ve ever read. That’s just my opinion. I will always remember these books and what happened to the three orphans who had a series of unfortunate events happen to them. I might even make my kids read it one day. They may hate it, or they may love it. Either way the thirteen books will still impact them so much that when they’re writing their first literacy narrative like I am right now, they’ll have something to write about. They won’t have to sit there for hours worrying about what they’ll have to describe in vivid detail. They won’t have to conjure up an entire essay based on lies. Once the teacher gives them the assignment they’ll immediately think of “those books my mom made me read,” and they’ll thank me one day.

Revision summary:

            My visit to the writing lab was actually my first visit. I’m glad I went and I plan on going again for my future essays. It was quiet and the writing fellows were very helpful and friendly. It wasn’t like the edits we do in class. They ask you to read out your paper to them, and than they make suggestions. They don’t just take your paper and mark all over it. While you’re reading they listen carefully for ideas on how you can improve upon your paper. They ask you questions about what you think would be a good idea to do, and help you come up with ideas. They make you really think about your writing. My approach to improving my essay was to break apart my paper by the paragraphs and go from there. I worked on it bit-by-bit and enhanced upon all my ideas. I also added and took out some. I also listened to comments from my writing fellow and Dr. D and thought about how I could use their advice. The changed I made to my essay weren’t that drastic but made a difference. I took Dr. D’s advice and brought my introduction to my conclusion to unify my paper. I also took my writing fellows advice and thought about what happened in my experiences and found connections with that to literature. Overall I think my new essay has improved with these changes.

Hits:

Research paper

Desires post

http://sarahn16.blogspot.com/2013/04/what-i-want-most-in-world.html

Misses:

Literacy narrative

First ever blog post http://sarahn16.blogspot.com/2012/08/summer-reading.html

Writing remix: 

Public Etiquette

Enhance your presence with these tips

1.     Always be as loud as you can to further enhance your presence

2.    Make people as painfully uncomfortable as you can

3.    When you step outside your house have a “what can do I do to make a good story out of today” attitude

4.    Remember, there’s no such thing as personal space

5.    Don’t ever be relevant, or beneficial to the community

6.    Remember, stares are compliments

7.    And last but not least be mindful of security. Run forest run.

Here are some examples of people who are doing it right:

 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ejM_1MJN4PY

Dizasta music

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-dyrq1Y5gVk

Janoskians 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jBk8MStzwCk

Janoskians

Analysis of rhetorical situation 

       In the original format of the blog the audience was mainly my peers who liked the topic and my take on it, and my teacher. There were also a few people from Germany and Spain viewing my page who liked my topic. My project is geared towards the peers who have a since of humor and want a little bit of a laugh. It is a parody so it’s supposed to be funny. My audience has changed from the original format to this one because my new format is more humorous. It also is a reverse how to act in your environment where as the original was explaining how and why people act different in their environments.

        My audience needs to know that it’s not a real how to article. It’s a parody how to article. My hope for this project is for them to have a good laugh, and is purely for entertainment. I thought it would be a fun way to represent my blog in a new way. The purpose in my original format was to explain why and how people’s behavior change and are different according to their surroundings. In my new format it’s how you really shouldn’t behave in public, and to entertain.

         My approach towards my topic is through humor because of the examples given and the articles tips. The title and description tell you it’s an article with seven tips on proper public etiquette, but it’s really all the things you shouldn’t do. My stance has definitely changed. In the original format it was more serious and explanatory, but in my new format it’s humorous and to be taken lightly.

          I incorporated sarcasm and jokes to reach my purpose to humor the audience. The medium has changed because in the original blog post it was a written out explanation but in the new format I used seven little tips. This has changed the piece dramatically because it is less detailed and the purpose has changed. It is also different because everything has changed.